I forgot my pills again this morning, two days in a row. It’s no wonder I’ve been tense and irritable. It makes my tendonitis worse, and being patient with people harder.

I just had a nasty panic attack, a body-dysphoric feeling mixed with a feeling that the walls were closing in on me. I first wanted nothing more than to jump out of my skin and run.

Four years ago, I was sitting in front of a computer, listening to the same song I have on right now. (“Hallelujah”, as sung by Rufus Wainwright) I’d just finished a workday with the Wondermill crew. Jason and I’d been joking and talking programming through the day. Like we did today over Jabber. I spent much of that evening talking to upna on IRC. Tonight, it was by phone. Things change so fast, but some things come around.

A year ago, I was playing frisbee or soccer with the SYC kids. Yesterday too.

I’m okay now.

Distro of the month looks like fun for those into experimenting.

Freedom to Tinker tells it how it is: encryption can’t prevent copying.

Queen of Wands sucked way too much of my time yesterday. Just as I think it’s run-of-the-mill, its humour surprises me.

… or maybe it just reminds me of another favourite.

Interesting comments on life as a foreigner in Japan.

Damnit, and I was hoping to talk to her. I shouldn’t have gone to bed early.

I haven’t had to work this hard to stay okay in a while. I wish I had someone to talk to right this second, but I don’t know what I’d say. Depression that hits like a ton of bricks hurts. I’m okay at the moment. I’m glad that force of habit and laziness are keeping me from doing stupid things right now.

I think it’s the heat. I hope it’s the heat, because with some effort I could probably escape the worst off it and be okay. I just want to be some place cool and dark where I don’t have to think very much, and can be distracted enough to not think about my body.

I thought I was done with this.

I am such a sucker for people who will make me breakfast.

Falling asleep at 20:30 and waking up at 7:00 is really weird. I layed down feeling a tad ill, and just fell asleep.

Good day. Nothing to report. Miss certain people.

Having the right tools makes watering the garden not a chore at all.

There is good in the world. (more at UCC’s site)

I think we have a new tradition starting. The 4th of July in Ouray is usually a great thing – fireworks in a canyon give the best echo, and it’s a whole sound thing that’s really amazing. I love fireworks, no matter what they’re celebrating.

This year, though, instead of spending time in the traffic and noise of a tourist town full to capacity, we hiked up Horsethief Trail in the late afternoon, catching some pretty photos in the evening light, and got up to a spot overlooking Ouray at about 10,000 feet (3,000 feet or so above the town) and ate dinner while the sun set. We got to see Ouray’s flare parade and then fireworks, and flashes over the mountain of Silverton and Telluride’s shows.

We hiked down in the dark afterward. The moon wasn’t out, but the stars were bright, and with a couple head-lamps, it wasn’t a bad walk. I was surprised to not see any wildlife at that time of night, but c’est la vie.

I’m still a little tired … I don’t know if I slept well or not, but it wasn’t enough, I guess. Totally worth it.

I’m kinda sad I missed the water fights this year, but without Ruth standing next to me hollering, or better, in it … dunno. Looks like a good fight this year though.

I just watched fireworks at 10,000 feet. Looking down on fireworks is a new experience. I’m beat, it was an hour and a half walk back down. It was really good. Night!

I just saw Episode III with Ethan and Eric. It was the funniest Star Wars ever.

In the scene where Anakin is standing on the balcony, telling Padme that he’s got to go end the war, to go off alone? Total rip off of every character Kevin Costner has ever played, especially The Postman and Robin Hood. He was even wearing a costume that would fit in in Robin Hood. And he didn’t have an English accent the same way Kevin Costner doesn’t, and he had the blonde hair and he was the swarthy but sensitive guy who has to end up saving the day because he’s the fucking hero, hello! of the movie. Maybe it was a tribute to mediocrity.

Ethan and Eric says the city background plus Padme’s outfits were totally stolen from Metropolis.

The scene where Darth Vader hears about Padme’s death and breaks loose from the medical restraints? Frankenstein. Then he bellows from the pain of the news. Streetcar Named Desire. The three of us just busted up. The kids in front of us didn’t get the joke and gave us dirty looks.

Senator Palpatine? George W. Bush. And Hitler, too. The guys operating the cruiser approaching the Death Star at the end? They look suspiciously like German SS officers. So many allusions to cold war politics.

The acting was so bad. The costumes were so what you’d expect. The city scenes and ship design were great. They still haven’t mastered gravityless physics. Also, the air in a room which is half gone doesn’t rush out in a gale, it just pops out. The plot hole that C3PO knew R2D2 before Episode IV was solved in the most stupid way possible. They did however remember that Tatooine has two suns, and the double sunrise was spiffy. The wookies were ugly ewoks, and they didn’t get shot at the same way the Ewoks didn’t. General Grievous made no sense at all. What the fuck was he supposed to be?

If I gave out asses for films, this would be the must-see four-ass special. So bad it’s good. I loved it, and I would never in a moment call it fine storytelling. But damn was it worth $7.50 to see in the theatre. This was no mediocre “What a waste of time”, this was the full on special-effects-as-starring role bad movie.. It was better than Cats (sorry Zin), and I could probably watch it again and again. (sorry Cyle)

I am obviously a child of the eighties. You are too if you find break-dancing Transformers to be among the coolest things evar.