Star Wars Sacrilege (Spoilers, but this story's ending was told twenty years ago)

I just saw Episode III with Ethan and Eric. It was the funniest Star Wars ever.

In the scene where Anakin is standing on the balcony, telling Padme that he’s got to go end the war, to go off alone? Total rip off of every character Kevin Costner has ever played, especially The Postman and Robin Hood. He was even wearing a costume that would fit in in Robin Hood. And he didn’t have an English accent the same way Kevin Costner doesn’t, and he had the blonde hair and he was the swarthy but sensitive guy who has to end up saving the day because he’s the fucking hero, hello! of the movie. Maybe it was a tribute to mediocrity.

Ethan and Eric says the city background plus Padme’s outfits were totally stolen from Metropolis.

The scene where Darth Vader hears about Padme’s death and breaks loose from the medical restraints? Frankenstein. Then he bellows from the pain of the news. Streetcar Named Desire. The three of us just busted up. The kids in front of us didn’t get the joke and gave us dirty looks.

Senator Palpatine? George W. Bush. And Hitler, too. The guys operating the cruiser approaching the Death Star at the end? They look suspiciously like German SS officers. So many allusions to cold war politics.

The acting was so bad. The costumes were so what you’d expect. The city scenes and ship design were great. They still haven’t mastered gravityless physics. Also, the air in a room which is half gone doesn’t rush out in a gale, it just pops out. The plot hole that C3PO knew R2D2 before Episode IV was solved in the most stupid way possible. They did however remember that Tatooine has two suns, and the double sunrise was spiffy. The wookies were ugly ewoks, and they didn’t get shot at the same way the Ewoks didn’t. General Grievous made no sense at all. What the fuck was he supposed to be?

If I gave out asses for films, this would be the must-see four-ass special. So bad it’s good. I loved it, and I would never in a moment call it fine storytelling. But damn was it worth $7.50 to see in the theatre. This was no mediocre “What a waste of time”, this was the full on special-effects-as-starring role bad movie.. It was better than Cats (sorry Zin), and I could probably watch it again and again. (sorry Cyle)