Today was stunningly gorgeous. I’m waiting for a phone call, so I can throw pictures at you while I wait.

My mom just came into my office, crying. She was looking for me. She heard a page for the ambulance at my address, and the dispatcher’s voice saying “Ambulance respond to (my address) for a 24 year old, unknown injuries”. It wasn’t for me, but it scared her a lot.

We talked. For the first time in three years, we actually talked about things. I shared with her things I’d written about family and time together and how important things are to me. We ended up laughing a bit and crying a lot over how we wanted the same things, and neither of us knew how to address the gulf between us, the things we don’t understand about each other, and the things we don’t want to admit that we do understand because they’re all too familiar.

I think it scared her to hug me and find a bra strap. And to find more between us than just chest. Her daughter’s growing up again and she missed parts.

I’m in a bit of a shell-shocked state right now. The sun’s setting, and I don’t know what time it is, at least not by feel. All at once I’m hungry and not and upset and not and relaxed like it’s a huge weight off my chest, and tense about the future.

My Canon A95 camera bit the dust with an E18 error in October on my way back from San Francisco. I finally got it sent in for warranty service some months ago, and after not hearing anything, gave up on the repair being timely. Yesterday, I got a shipment notification that my camera had been repaired. Today, it arrived, and in the box, instead of finding a Canon A95, I found a refurbished A610 — the same camera, only higher resolution and with a bigger lens (and newer versions of the same firmware.)

Aside from being without a camera for three months, I’m pretty happy.

I just listened to the TMBG Podcast (feed), and I think I’m going to be hooked on this podcast thing.

Just what I needed, another distraction. Thank you soo much, elliotpp and horseygurl88

Scrambled eggs with pesto. Sauteed mushrooms. Tortilla with cheddar and provolone melted on. Topped with sour cream and copious pouring of Valentina hot sauce.

I was just reading the Wikipedia article on Grimm’s Law and realizing that I’d picked up most of the linguistic changes subconciously as I studied languages. In my head, I have an elaborate system of relating words in various languages to each other, and part of getting a ‘feel’ for a language for me is to realize how its consonant sounds relate to languages I know.

I’ve been thinking about what makes people creepy for the past few weeks. I’ve had several experiences with people that others find creepy, who I do not, and ones who I do, that others do not. I’m also in a position that I’d consider creepy sometimes, depending on subtle attitudes, and I think I’m finally seeing some patterns.

People who are obviously attracted to someone and won’t admit it are kinda creepy sometimes. It’s like they’re being manipulative — sending mixed signals, which are hard to read and unnerving.

On a similar vein, being attracted to someone and showing it and not saying why, I think, can be hard, too. It’s hard to know how to respond, and you wonder about ulterior motives. Most of the time, the motives are pure, but with the prevalence of sexual assault in our culture, and that’s where it would lurk if it existed, it makes it hard to discern. It’s guilt by association, but in a somewhat healthy fashion, I think.

And then there’s being attracted to someone for a physical feature that they can’t help, or for the reasons that people usually look that way, and not having that be the case in that individual’s life. It’s a particularly dehumanizing feeling, being fetishized, or related to only as a relationship or stereotype, not an individual.

Some people find being come on to creepy, especially when it’s by someone they don’t find attractive, but I wonder how much of it is reacting emotionally as if it were one of the above things, and not having the vocabulary to describe it, and filter through the feelings.

Some of these thoughts have been rolling around in my head for a long time. I’m friends with a couple people that a lot of others find creepy, and yet for some reason, my relationship with them is honest and direct and not at all uncomfortable. It’s been a puzzle for a long time to figure out why the reactions happen the way they do.

Ultimately, I think a lot of creepiness comes from not being able to see and not being able to trust someone’s motives.

Being in Davis is a lot of fun. I’m really enjoying just not being at work at the moment.

I realize though that without work and without my cello around, I tend to just not do a lot. Part of that is de-stressing, but it makes me realize how many of my favorite pastimes I’ve put aside to make my business work. I’m really looking forward to re-developing those as the business gets smoother and I spend less time maintaining it and more time developing it and myself.

Polis, the nbtsc.org server lost a hard drive this morning, and had several hours of downtime while we figured out what was wrong.

It was a drive that I’d suspected was dying for a while, but could not confirm without shutting down the server, so all data had been moved off of it for a while. Nothing lost except some hours of uptime.

Whoever eats the next piece of cake will have to eat your nipple. — ftmichael

From $(fortune) as I logged into Polis:

To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.

The Greyhound trip from Montrose, CO to San Francisco, CA is 3 hours longer than it used to be, thanks to Greyhound’s cuts and schedule changes. There’s a two hour layover in Grand Junction now, and two hours in Salt Lake City.

I don’t mind in the slightest. In both cities, there’s a great eating place with wireless within two blocks of the bus terminal. With two hours, that’s enough time to eat, relax, check email, post on LJ and chat a bit and actually have time for a real conversation.

So I’m sitting in a vegan cafe and coffeehouse, up the street from a punk concert, in Salt Lake City. My bus leaves at 10:30, and I’m just chilling. Life is good.

To the guys who keep randomly seeking to chat with me: This is the internet. Consider being intriguing as being first base.

Panicy and packing. Still have some tax work to finish. Really want to get it done before I leave, but that may not happen. Eek!

made my evening last night. made my morning this morning. texted me after his surgery, more coherently than I expected, and made my later morning absolutely fine. I ate at Siam, our local Thai restaurant, and Sue and Jojo were happy and joking in the kitchen. Zander called me mid-evening as I was working at my office on my taxes, and he’s happy in his new place, which rocks totally and utterly. I arranged my ride to the bus on Friday. I chatted with a ton while I worked, and everyone should know that he’s awesome. I then ended up going to find food, only to discover that everything had closed already thanks to my staying late to work on taxes. I ended up with eight $.69 avocados, a bag of Doritos (I never eat Doritos… what’s wrong with me? Other than the 14-hour workdays, I mean…), and a block of super-sharp cheddar cheese. called again and I managed to make my figures come damn close to balancing while she talked, both events making my evening utterly complete. I stumbled home, posted this, and am now crashing into bed.

Tomorrow (Thursday still), I clean the house, do my laundry, make sure there’s food in the fridge for hellion0‘s return, and try not to go insane with preparation.

Friday, I leave for San Francisco by bus. I’m not sure where I’m sleeping the evening of the Saturday the 25th yet, but that’ll happen. (If not, I sleep in Golden Gate Park again, but I don’t want to acquire a new sleeping bag for this trip, hint hint.)

Goodnight, all.