Conversations like the one I had the the other night are among the reasons that having the group of friends I do is so wonderful. Talking about relationships and the way people think and feel and being able to compare intricate notes with Josh took me well past midnight. I fell asleep in my sister’s huge puff-chair, which wasn’t the best place to sleep. I got chilled and didn’t sleep particularly well.

It’s been a relatively intense week. I am working, so I have my time to myself, but Josh and Ryland are here, mostly at Ruth’s, Max is here, mostly here in my house. All of this while dealing with major life changes.

Carrie’s moving out. The house is full of half-packed bags, things being sorted into piles labelled in our heads as “mine” and “yours”. I’m not entirely sure what I think. I’m going to miss having Carrie around. I’ll miss the companionship of having someone to share dinner with, a good reason not to eat dinner over some piece of work or while chatting online.

What we choose to leave behind and what we choose to take with us is such an odd choice. There are more art supplies being left behind than I suspected would be, and not as many cookbooks. I’ve inherited a tarantula of the acanthoscurria geniculata sort. There’s seed catalogs and a garden to plant. So much is the same as it has been while Carrie’s been in the youth corps. It’s a bit eerie.

I think we can be friends. There’s tension between us, but so most of my angst is having my routine disrupted and having it be hard to get a moment alone. I have my things to do, though, and she has her life to live. I can’t be possessive. I don’t think it’s in my nature.

Ryland’s taking off with Max and Carrie early tomorrow.